Ex Friend and The Friend

I posted the question of peoples feelings on their friends dating their ex's and this is a deep conversation I had. We both agreed that people need to see the views that we had on the subject matter.

Carla Figaro April 29 at 1:01pm
Off Limits

Jesse Lee Holloway Jr April 29 at 1:08pm
Why?

Jesse Lee Holloway Jr April 29 at 1:13pm
Why?

Carla Figaro April 29 at 4:02pm
Some things are just too personal. If they were just talkin' it's one thing but once there is intimacy involved the desire is covetous.

Jesse Lee Holloway Jr May 1 at 12:11pm
I don't think its covetous. After so long of a separation happens and one moves on with ones life, the people that they once dated cease to be marked territory. Its seems a little selfish and possesive to stake claim in a person like that. I even see cases when women are upset despite them being in a seemingly happy relationship.

Carla Figaro May 2 at 2:55am
If we would stop having sexual intimacy this would B easy however, especially 4 women, once the sexual bond has been made, it is hard 2 resolve those feelings. God meant that connect 2 B with 1 person but we with our own will go outside of this andthat territorial bond is 1 of the consequences.

Jesse Lee Holloway Jr May 2 at 11:13am
Given the fact that we have made the bed we now lay in with our repeated connecting with multiple people, do you think that territorial bond is right? I don't think so. The only person I believe a person has a right to argue about whom they have a relationship with should be one boyfriend or husband. If someone doesn't have a relationship with a person anymore than they are relinquished of any bonds that they had.

Carla Figaro May 2 at 2:45pm
Reread what I wrote earlier. I didn't say it was right. I said that based on the nature of human make up, it just is. Based on that alone, in respecting the emotions of others, I believe that any good person would feel morally bound to the restriction. The problem is, that as humans, manytimes we let the desire for wh at we want dominate the thought process that would have us treat others as we wish to be treated. Especially when it comes to sexual nature, we tend to become somewhat animalistic. The sexual union was created to bond man and woman one to another. Emphasis on one. Not to amother and another and another. Because we break that bond by separating, does not mean that the bond no longer exists.

Jesse Lee Holloway Jr May 2 at 4:07pm
I understand that humans have animalistic behaviors. But we also strive to stray away from our animalistic traits. If person is no longer tied to one another, than why make a rule separating two people that may be better suited for each other? The rule of not-my-ex caters to dog-like territorialism. We have to look at the bigger picture. That man can make your friend the happiest woman in the world. Don't you want that for her? Unless you plan to try it again with that man and actually see it possible then I don't think one has a logical basis to come between them.

Carla Figaro May 2 at 4:49pm
That's just the thing. It's not logical at all. If it were logical there would be no reason to discuss this at all. It is a completely human, emotional, territorial thought and action.

Jesse Lee Holloway Jr May 2 at 5:04pm
So when you say that your friend can't date anyone that you've once dated, you're telling them to do that without any reasoning?
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Carla Figaro May 2 at 5:59pm
No Jesse. Just because something does not seem logical does not make it less of a reason. Peoples emotions are valid wether we understand them or agree with them. If you know somethimg will give you great pleasure but it would cause another great heartache and you choose to do it anyway then you are just as selfish as the person your saying is selfish. The difference is that unfortunately wether it seams reasonable or not, in the situation the person with the heartache is an emotional cripple. You or I may possiblybe emotionally sound enough to tell a friend that it is alright to date an ex but if your friend does not have the same emotional soundness, do you love them enough to respect their emotions? I say rather than hurting someone you proclaim to be your friend in the truest sence of the word. Why go there? If You found that you really like Moukie and Ryan told you that he couldn't deal with you seeing her in an intimate waym would you date her anyway or would you respect Ryans feelings?

We then spoke about it.

All in all, I make sure that I don't get at any of my friend's ex's. I do make it known that I'd be okay with them doing so. I seek to encourage humanity to gain an emotionally sound state that would allow them see the best for someone else, but I am also respectful enough to be considerate about someone that the ability isn't acquired so easily by. This was a good dialougue.